he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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