I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
