i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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