I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The adults are the big ones right?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
