this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
