You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
