I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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