I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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