Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
