we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
that's an acceptable place to lick
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
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He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
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You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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