Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
