white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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