haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
