Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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