She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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