Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Less talking, more tequila
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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