I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
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Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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