So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
