Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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