grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
