If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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