physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
