It's Friday. Sex?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
