We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
