Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
