We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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