Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
