Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
