Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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