He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
