Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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