How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
