i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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