And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We're too hungover to prance.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
