did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
