Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
