I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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