Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
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Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
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So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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