im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I could fuck to npr.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
