So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
