Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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