I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Someone came in the potted fern
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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