I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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