I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
