so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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