this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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