Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
