smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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