I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
