my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
