I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
