What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
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Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
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Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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