Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
