That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
