Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
