I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
