I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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