Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
