I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
