Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
vagina is talking i cant
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
