saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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