I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
