3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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