My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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