He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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