I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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